Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

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Dr Exile
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Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by Dr Exile » Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:16 am

Yessiree folks, the poor schmucks in Europe are learning what we learned the hard way 150 years ago, a central government sucks.

In a scarcely believable ­ruling, a panel of experts threw out a claim that regular water consumption is the best way to rehydrate the body. The bizarre diktat from Brussels has far-reaching implications for member states, including Britain, as no water sold in the EU can now claim to protect against dehydration.

Any producer breaching the order, signed by European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso, faces being jailed for up to two years. It took the 21 scientists on the panel three years of analysis into the link between water and dehydration to come to their extraordinary conclusion.

The EU has a long history of passing bizarre regulations, the most infamous being 1995 rules setting out dimensions for fruit and vegetables which led to excessively curved bananas and ugly carrots being banned. And last year attempts to regulate the use of root vegetables in Cornish pasties sparked chaos.

Leave my Cornish pasties alone or I'll sick some Cousin Jack Tommyknockers on your ass.
Credo quia absurdum.

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lkwalker
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by lkwalker » Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:20 pm

Water is overrated. I regret inventing the shit.
"If you don't think to good, don't think too much." Yogi

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Pigeon
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by Pigeon » Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:47 pm

They really know how to work the cronyism angle.

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Egg
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by Egg » Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:32 pm

Well, it will be once we're done with it.

"Would you like your water with water or with caesium?


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lkwalker
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by lkwalker » Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:54 pm

That's why I only drink instant water now.
"If you don't think to good, don't think too much." Yogi

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Egg
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by Egg » Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:58 pm

Just add.... it's a zen koan...


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Pigeon
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by Pigeon » Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:02 pm

They didn't say unhealthy, just not rehydrating.

Another ATS style topic title...

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lkwalker
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by lkwalker » Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:14 pm

Yeah but who wants to be hydrated? I kinda like being stiff.
"If you don't think to good, don't think too much." Yogi

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Pigeon
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by Pigeon » Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:27 pm

Maybe they are confusing hydration with the Lernaean Hydra.

In Greek mythology, the Lernaean Hydra was an ancient nameless serpent-like chthonic water beast, with reptilian traits, (as its name evinces) that possessed many heads — the poets mention more heads than the vase-painters could paint, and for each head cut off it grew two more — and poisonous breath so virulent even her tracks were deadly.


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Dr Exile
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Re: Brussels Declares Water to be Unhealthy

Post by Dr Exile » Fri Nov 18, 2011 11:32 pm

Another ATS style topic title...
I have never been to ATS so I would not know.
Credo quia absurdum.

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