2009 Land of the Lost Script
ASTRONAUT:
Mission Control, come in.
Mission Control, do you read?
Mayday. Mayday.
On reentry into Earth's orbit,
I seem to have fallen into,
I don't know,
some kind of tear
in time and space.
My coordinates are unknown.
Is this even Earth?
Ship's instruments
indicate should be
White Sands, New Mexico.
Obvious error.
Is anyone receiving this?
Come back.
(ROARING)
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Recovery team!
Recovery team,
fix coordinates now!
Where the hell am I?
Somebody respond!
Recovery team,
come back, God damn it!
Does anybody...
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Oh, God. Oh, God!
Does anyone read...
No!
MALE ANNOUNCER:
This is Today,
with Matt Lauer.
We're back now with
Dr. Rick Marshall,
whose new book arrives
in stores tomorrow.
It was back in Oslo, Doctor,
last month, that you just
startled your colleagues
with this theory of yours
that takes science in
a completely new direction.
Quantum...
Quantum Paleontology.
Quantum Paleontology,
that's correct.
What exactly is that?
Well, it's...
Not to say modestly,
it's our very future, Matt.
It's the only
real solution
to solving this
fossil fuel crisis
we're experiencing.
And it boils down
to two simple words.
Renewable biofuels.
Close. Time warps.
Time warps?
Time warps.
You're serious about this.
I'm deadly serious.
Five years,
over $50 million
on my research.
You've spent
$50 million of your own
money studying time warps?
No, that's adorable.
No, taxpayers' money.
I don't have $50 million.
And now you're
asking for more.
It's all explained
in my book.
I know.
We've plugged
the book.
(READING)
Yeah.
Bantam Books. Amazon.
We are living
in a time right now
with huge cuts in...
I saw.
Huge cuts in spending.
Right.
We're in dire
economic straits,
and you're
spending $50 million
on studying time warps.
How do you not think
that's irresponsible?
Well, I...
Are you smoking?
No, I'm making a balloon
animal here, earthling.
But you can't smoke
in the studio.
Okay, no one told me that.
Just, you can't.
Look, look... Fine.
There are huge, huge
amounts of trans-dimensional
energy out there
just waiting for us
to throw the switch.
Energy crisis averted.
You are asking people
to stake the entire future
of industrialized civilization
on what you call
"parallel dimensions."
What about the critics
who have a fair question,
Doctor?
Mmm-hmm.
They say this theory
of yours is not science.
It is non-science.
And some are even more blunt,
and they say it's nonsense.
How do you
respond to that?
My critics?
Your critics.
And there are
a lot of them.
Can you be more specific?
Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking
says this is nonsense.
That's his word.
Okay, you know what?
This interview's over.
Why?
Because, like, your
producers said you wouldn't
bring that up, all right?
It's a fair question.
No, it's not!
It's a hatchet job!
That was my guest
Dr. Rick Marshall,
whose book arrives
in stores tomorrow.
RICK: Goddamn
right it was!
You might want to look for it
in the "I'm out of my
freaking mind" department.
....
2013