It twas the season of Xmas, the air was brisk and the leaves were falling. It would of been a wonderful time of year for most but I was spending on the streets alone. My wife left me soon after I lost my job and our house. She took the truck our stuff closed our bank account and left me a shitty dear john. Bitch.
Left with nothing I roamed the streets, slept in public restrooms, begging for change to eat. Life could not get worse. Then I stumbled upon it.
While walking along the freeway I found this mutilated reindeer that had been hit by a car. Hits back end was twisted around wrong blood oozing from its nose. The creature was a sad punctuation mark on the commentary of my life. What would Santa Clause do?
I thought I would drag it off side of the road into the ditch were other animals could eat it with out fear of getting run over themselves. As I picked its front hooves up to drag the thing made a noise "HOLY SHIT!" I screamed. The thing wasn't dead. It started thrashing around in pain and I thought to myself (I need to kill this thing quick). I looked around for a rock or something to put the animal out of its misery. I could only find a big stick.. (Fuck, why me) I thought to myself. I lifted that stick up and whacked it over the reindeeres head as hard as I could... the stick broke and the reindeer made a noise but it wasn't dead and I felt stupid. This wasn't working....
Cars were driving by and I was starting to get worried that someone might take notice and call the cops or something. This night could still get worse.
I decided the thing to do was to man up and choke it. It would die, the other animals would eat it the cycle of life would continue and I could go on being a homeless bum with out having to think about this bullshit.
I got on my knees and wrapped my are around its neck and squeezed. "It's ok little buddy" I said to it as I squeezed, "soon your pain will be over". As I tightened my grip it thrashed around a little bit..Finally after a few minutes it was finished...secure in the knowledge that the deed was done I proceeded to drag it away into the ditch.
I went on walking down the road oblivious of my appearance. So I was quite surprised when a cop turned on his lights and ordered me onto the ground from inside his car. As I complied I noticed I had reindeer blood all over me. I was fucked. How was I supposed to explain this?... With the truth I assumed. The cop cuffed me for my protection and his then asked "Why are you covered in blood buddy?"
I explained to him about the reindeer and abut my homeless situation. He told me that they had some reports of an assault in this area and asked me to take him back to the body of the reindeer.
So returned to the scene of my reindeer slaying but the deer wasn't there anymore.... Something had carried it off.
"So you want tell me how you really got that blood all over you"? The officer asked me. I tried to tell him the same story but he just would not believe me. The cop told me "All right, at this time I am placing you under arrest for interfering with a police investigation. If you don't want to tell me what really happened I can't help you out." I protested, "I Didn't do anything! It was a reindeer, this is animal blood"!!!
I spent the night in jail. I was magistrated and was held on a 10,000 dollar bond which I had no way to pay. So, I get to spend Christmas in jail for killing a reindeer and not being able to prove it. what a fucking world. At least I won't be homeless for Christmas.