***Important*** New Ebola Line
Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 3:39 am
Good Evening Ellen,
First, thank you for not talking to HR about the dick incident that took place in the conference room today. Things can get a little out of hand during busy season, and sometimes we like to let loose. You were great under pressure today (ignoring the breasts and seamen) and provided a great presentation.
Second, I would like to address some of the talking points you made. I do agree that our company has to calibrate our expectations. We are now in the headlights of top management and need to set goals for our employees. My current idea to set deadlines and milestones for our products:
Product 1 - Ebola Cure - Due by Wednesday 10/15 at 5PM from Tom
Product 2 - Ebola Cure Clothing Line - Designs due by Friday at 9:55PM from TIki Sue Masala, J-Rod Scott, Pho Mang, Corina Gonzalo, and Brad.
Let me know if these deadlines are reasonable.
Additionally, I agree with your argument concerning our rewards of bread and water will not motivate them anymore. Although, I do agree this is all the slave force needs, I think your idea of donuts and cake on Friday's may be the spark to keep them motivated. Our previous employee reward of promising sex with your friends was probably a bad idea. Two of them was impregnated in Vegas, and one is still missing from the Cruise Ship for 48 hours. Hope you know that search is underway for Krystal.
Third, I agree we should push the envelope with our market share. Somehow we should "breakthrough the clutter" and get hip with it. I have contacted the following music groups and movie stars to promote the new Ebola Farm product line -
One Direction
Kesha
Snoop Dogg
Lil Wayne
Lil Bowow
Brad Pitt
Jason Derulo
Lorde
Jack Johnson
Pharell Williams
Daft Punk
Avicci
John Legend
Chris Brown
Beyonce
Beyonce's Husband
And they all said "no" in a hurry and hung up on me. Any ideas to help the clothing line is appreciated.
Bryan Mitchel Neehigh, CEO
Consulting the Consultants, LLC
1007 Muchos Colores St, San Diego, Ca 91999
First, thank you for not talking to HR about the dick incident that took place in the conference room today. Things can get a little out of hand during busy season, and sometimes we like to let loose. You were great under pressure today (ignoring the breasts and seamen) and provided a great presentation.
Second, I would like to address some of the talking points you made. I do agree that our company has to calibrate our expectations. We are now in the headlights of top management and need to set goals for our employees. My current idea to set deadlines and milestones for our products:
Product 1 - Ebola Cure - Due by Wednesday 10/15 at 5PM from Tom
Product 2 - Ebola Cure Clothing Line - Designs due by Friday at 9:55PM from TIki Sue Masala, J-Rod Scott, Pho Mang, Corina Gonzalo, and Brad.
Let me know if these deadlines are reasonable.
Additionally, I agree with your argument concerning our rewards of bread and water will not motivate them anymore. Although, I do agree this is all the slave force needs, I think your idea of donuts and cake on Friday's may be the spark to keep them motivated. Our previous employee reward of promising sex with your friends was probably a bad idea. Two of them was impregnated in Vegas, and one is still missing from the Cruise Ship for 48 hours. Hope you know that search is underway for Krystal.
Third, I agree we should push the envelope with our market share. Somehow we should "breakthrough the clutter" and get hip with it. I have contacted the following music groups and movie stars to promote the new Ebola Farm product line -
One Direction
Kesha
Snoop Dogg
Lil Wayne
Lil Bowow
Brad Pitt
Jason Derulo
Lorde
Jack Johnson
Pharell Williams
Daft Punk
Avicci
John Legend
Chris Brown
Beyonce
Beyonce's Husband
And they all said "no" in a hurry and hung up on me. Any ideas to help the clothing line is appreciated.
Bryan Mitchel Neehigh, CEO
Consulting the Consultants, LLC
1007 Muchos Colores St, San Diego, Ca 91999