Madness again!

[IndicusMaximus]

I've truly gone mad again.

MAAADDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw the Bardo Beings and died not too long ago.

So I think the dragon christ and that whole universe was burned to a crisp by the morphing faces of the animated statue people who guard eternity.

Maybe they feel the same way about me, since I may well just be one of those things, or all of them.... all those eternal faces.

I didn't get any sleep last night, but lack of sleep has never put me in this much of a twirl. It's like the most intense acid trip that could every come and go away again in intervals.

Eternity in an hour, and infinity in a grain of sand. He must've had his head broken, too.

I got a heart broken heart beet. I had a broken macheen.

That little Aussie pop chick is adorable. I just wanna squeeze her until her veggies fall out.

They're coming too take me away ha ha ho ho hee hee to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and everyone's smiling SMIIIILLLIIINNNNGGGGGG SMIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!! SSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSSMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would love to actually do that, but I like not being in a funny farm. So for now, I'll just act sane.... put on a smile.... say hello to the neighbors, even though I'm visualizing parades of clowns exploding out of their eyeholes.... "Hi WHOA hey... hey there, neighbor. Hay. Hi. Hello. How are ya? Fine? Fine? Good? Well? Doing well? Having a good day? Good day? Great day? Great CLOWWWNNNSSSSSS!!!!!!!! KLEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHWWWWWWWWWZZZZZZZZZEH!!!!!

Won't be doing that, either. Perhaps I'll just stay in side and be very quiet.

[Pam]

You okay theeindiee????

[IndicusMaximus]

If I wasn't okay, would there be a damn thing anyone could do? They've decided that I'm not okay, and so they will treat me as such.

I don't need to know how wonderful "the world" can be. I already know how wonderful it can be.... if you ignore certain aspects.... but if you're constantly aware of certain things and you keep trying to build upon things to cover those other things instead of just letting those things die and fade away, it's this endless cycles of disappointment and regret and feeling like "Oh I've let all those people down who went out of their way to help me, oh I've let myself down, oh I'm a failure, oh I'm useless".... but society absolutely refusues to let those people struggling with existencial situations work it out in peace, and intead the best answer they can think of is to make a charity case out of someone in suffering and in the final throes of a very existencial situation, and now I have to question whether I SHOULD feel like I owe everyone not to fuck up what they view as the very essential things that it takes to be a good person in society. Well hey, I'm sorry. It didn't quite work. It's nobody's fault, and please don't blame me or look at me with pity because I can't avoid something I see plain as day, and I have no buffers to prevent my eyes from seeing it. Every time I turn around.... it's there. It's in my best interests to stop struggling against it, even though it's in EVERYONE ELSE's interest to try to bandage the situation once again because they've got this lie to maintain... that's not my problem anymore. IT IS NOT MY FAULT and I don't owe anyone anything, and if they come to collect in any form, whether it be a favor or whether it simply be the satisfaction that they proved something to someone... they will be disappointed, because what they see is not success in their eyes. What they see is a horrific sight. What they see is what happens when their lie cannot stand anymore, and it is cut down by the everclear light of pure Truth.

What happens when EVERYONE sees it? It's increasing, and at a certain point, society won't be able to contain its rancid lie anymore and almost all at once it will just fall like it's wheat cut by a giant invisible scythe. Indeed it will have been.

I see now the problem, and it's not with me. So stop blaming me.

I owe the world nothing, because the world has been built on an unsustainable lie, and everyone who participates in it is an unsustainable plague, and if you choose to partake in it, you will become it, and you will fall with it.

I guess my role is basically to become a prophet of doom.

Yes. there will be doom. The failure of certain parties to "save my soul" and rectify what they view as a dying and pathetic situation is just a shadow of things to come. Just a shadow...

I do thank those who have helped me. They made me realize that I HAVE BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG, and I don't need to change a damn thing except trying to change a damn thing. I must let it all fade away, because I died and my life is now just a shadow. I must let it fade away and find comfort in its passing.

[Pam]

Yah, you are right.... you should just be yourself, think for yourself and feel for yourself.

Nobody can tell you how to do any of those things.

All people can do is be an ear if you wish to share your thoughts.

Everyone finds their own peace in different ways. Some in writing, some in reading, some in music, some in helping others and some in other ways.

Find your own.

[Egg]

Hahaahhahahaha!! No one said that awareness was fun or felt good.

I'll only say this, decide what level of survival is good for you and try to sustain that. That might mean swallowing some shit time to time and putting on a fake smile.

[IndicusMaximus]

It's good that you didn't take offense to that, Pam. I was thinking you might.
It's not that I do not appreciate things people have done for me, but I hope that people don't expect me to become something I won't become. I'm just a tired old man stumbling around and waiting for the day when I can finally rest.
I guess what the trip did for me, now that I can reflect upon it, was just quell the struggle I had against myself. I had all these delusions about who I was and who I wanted to be, but in the end... I was too close to what was really true to be able to fool myself with those things, and it's easier to accept that it should be this way.

It would be cool if I was secretly a blue dragon, though.

A mystic blue dragon, taking the form of a sleepy little man... and when this form finally goes to sleep, the dragon can awaken and fly away.

[Egg]

Who says that's not the case?

[IndicusMaximus]

MADNESS AGAIN!!!

[IndicusMaximus]

Who says that's not the case?

That better be the case because it's fucking awesome.

[Pam]

It's good that you didn't take offense to that, Pam. I was thinking you might.
It's not that I do not appreciate things people have done for me, but I hope that people don't expect me to become something I won't become. I'm just a tired old man stumbling around and waiting for the day when I can finally rest.
I guess what the trip did for me, now that I can reflect upon it, was just quell the struggle I had against myself. I had all these delusions about who I was and who I wanted to be, but in the end... I was too close to what was really true to be able to fool myself with those things, and it's easier to accept that it should be this way.

It would be cool if I was secretly a blue dragon, though.

A mystic blue dragon, taking the form of a sleepy little man... and when this form finally goes to sleep, the dragon can awaken and fly away.

Why on earth would I take offence?

I did what I did without knowing you, with no conditions and no expectations of anything in return.

Seriously, I just did it because I wanted to

I would never ever judge you or expect you to be beholden to me in any way shape or form.

Don't ever think otherwise.... please!