Toasted Dolphin

Our sources, FSB Agent Dimitri Osmosovich and Dr. Angelica Balabinov, who collectively bear the torch once held by the late Strelnikov Isaac Stepanovich, said no battle occurred and the submarine was lost while investigating reports of an unidentified flying object that crashed in Russian territorial waters. At approximately 10:00 pm Moscow time on Sunday, a radar station on the Kamchatka Peninsula tracked an inbound bogey descending into the atmosphere at a 90-degree angle, at speeds exceeding Mach 10. It dipped below radar coverage and struck the frigid waters of the Barents Sea.